When you’re a hypochondriac it can be rather difficult to get your family and friends to take your health concerns seriously. I mean, they’ve heard it all before, right? I figure there are many of you in the same boat as me, so after giving it some thought I believe I have finally come up with a new way to garner sympathy and coddling from your loved ones. It simply involves dressing up your words a little bit.

For example, you can make a hangover appear more legitimate (thus evoking more sympathy from others) by referring to it as “veisalgia”.

Painful cramps? Not anymore, now you have dysmenorrhoea!

Pins and needles?

Feeling itchy is for commoners!

Hayfever Shmayfever!

If you ever want to simply perplex your loved ones, try this…

…and lastly, may I present the ultimate excuse for not going into work…

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go because I have some major obdormition happening in my arse cheeks!