We have a lot of birds where I live. Most of them make beautiful sounds…all except one. The Sulphur-crested Cockatoo.
This is what the Sulphur-crested Cockatoo looks like.
Beautiful, isn’t it? (Image source: Wikipedia)
I have a little Jack Russell and two adorable (but slightly annoying) cats. I have to vacuum the house a lot because of the animal hair (if I don’t, within a week it looks like we have shag carpet).
No matter how many times I vacuum, my animals react in the same exact way every single time. With total, unadulterated terror. So, I drew up a sketch based on how I think my pets see me when I vacuum.
Lately my cats have been getting on my nerves. It’s just little things they’re doing – like dragging blankets through the house (my blankets, not theirs), stealing the dog’s food, play-fighting on the couch – so violently that couch cushions end up all over the floor, scampering across the kitchen counter (I’m looking at you, Cherri) and just being generally irritating.
They have, in fact, been so annoying lately that I am starting to wonder if they have some kind of beef with me. There is a lot of debate on whether cats can be vengeful or not; some people say yes (mostly cat owners) and others say it’s not possible for a (non-human) animal to have an emotion like revenge. I tend to lean towards the side of Hell, yeah, they are!
It started me thinking… what if I decided to get revenge on my cats? Of course I wouldn’t actually do that, but if I did…how would I go about it? Here’s what I’ve come up with so far…
How to get revenge on your cat
1. Cats are attracted to boxes like moths to a flame. Put a giant empty box in the lounge room. The vengeful part? Make sure it is completely sealed.
2. Keep the door closed to just one room of the house. It will soon become the only place your cat wants to be.
3. Eat bacon in front of them.
4. When cats encounter something new in their environment it really freaks them out. Put an object in a place where there is normally nothing (like the hallway). It doesn’t even have to be anything scary-looking; for example, a lamp will do nicely.
5. Borrow an annoying puppy for the day.
6. Deny access to your lap.
If you have any more revenge ideas feel free to e-mail me. If I like your idea I’ll draw it and put it up here.
I love my family, but when they all leave the house at once it is awesome! It also doesn’t happen very often, so when the opportunity arises, I jump at it.
Then, when I find myself alone, it’s always a bit of a shock…
…until reality sinks in.
Then it’s just a matter of deciding what to do…
Pull out my recipe books and cook some exotic, gourmet meal?
Wade through the masses of paperwork that needs filing?
That’s it! Yoga always makes me feel amazing afterward. I am totally going to do yoga!
Right after I finish this game.