It all started when my son, Daniel, brought home the latest school newsletter. They were having a costume day and the children were to come dressed as their favourite movie or television star. Having never made a fancy dress costume in my life I was immediately consumed with all-too familiar feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
Then I had an idea. Surely there must be a way I could make a SpongeBob costume without sewing!
So I jumped online and searched…
It was going to be brilliant!
I was so excited about the costume and my son and I were going to have a blast making it!
Yep, I was pretty much the most awesome mother in the world. (Even if I can’t sew.)
I couldn’t wait for school to finish.
At first Daniel was thrilled. He loves doing arts and crafts and was really keen to get started on a project.
I explained the project to him…
but was totally unprepared for his reaction.
I tried to sell it.
But I knew he wasn’t buying it when he said:
I didn’t let go easily.
It was brutal.
Don’t worry, I’ll get over it.
It was just one of those days. Nothing really dramatic happened (apart from in my imagination).
I felt really sick all day…
So I went to bed.
Our pets drive us crazy from time to time, but things are never boring with them around. Recently I got to thinking, what would life be like without them?
Without my cat and dog…
who would stalk me and make me feel important?
who would kill the really big spiders?
who would create an obstacle course for me when I come home from grocery shopping?
who would kill the giant rat I didn’t know I had?
who would make my yoga practice more challenging?
who would alert me to the fact that a car door has been closed, somewhere?
who would prevent the house from being overrun by plants?
who would make our boring clothes look like expensive fur coats?
…and, goodness knows, those tissues aren’t going to get ripped up and spread all over the house by themselves!
Yep, life would be pretty crap without them.
I was a pretty naughty kid and got into my fair share of trouble. My real problem was that I just never fully thought things through. Like the day I found my little sister, Christie, emptying my favourite cereal onto the kitchen floor. She was having the time of her life.
I was horrified! This was my favourite cereal in the whole world and it was being wasted! I was so mad! I was so shocked! I was so going to tell mum!
I turned to go, when I suddenly realised that I had a real opportunity here to get my angelic little sister into a lot of trouble. The floor didn’t really look that bad, so the first thing I had to do was completely destroy the kitchen.
I made a game of it.
It was kinda fun.
When I thought the kitchen looked bad enough I ran off to tell my mum. Christie was going to be in so much trouble. For once it would be her and not me; I would be the good child! Everybody would talk about the day that my sister destroyed the kitchen and wasted all that cereal. They’d talk about how naughty she was and shake their heads in despair. I could hardly wait for my mother to come and see what she had done!
I raced into mum’s bedroom and started shrieking hysterically about what Christie had done to the kitchen and how I had tried to stop her, but she was unstoppable in her rampage!
My mother didn’t even look up from her magazine. She just said “Oh well, be a good girl and go clean it up.”
Not only did Christie not get into any trouble, not only did I have to clean up what can only be described as clown vomit, but I was forced to eat boring, old Weet-Bix the next morning with the full awareness that it was my own stupid fault.