Zombies and Koalas

Hello all,

I’ve been very busy with my art of late and thought I’d better post some of it! But first – don’t forget to check out my latest comics! If you like zombies click here and if you like kitties click here. Oops, I may have mixed up those links.

The below picture is an updated version of this and I am pretty happy with the result. It’s really interesting to go back over old work from when I first started using Illustrator. A lot of the time I’m thinking “Argh, what a mess!”

koala_and_girl

I can’t go on a drawing frenzy without including some zombies 🙂

zombie_pinup_with_rat

 

pinup-tattoo

Why Ghosts are Scarier than Zombies

I have always thought that ghosts were way scarier than zombies, but never really bothered to put any thought into why I think that. I recently came to the realisation that this was just plain lazy, so last week I thought long and hard about the reasons…

…why ghosts are scarier than zombies

Reason #1 You can’t kill a ghost.

I know exactly how to kill a zombie…

beheading

…but how the hell do you kill a ghost?

Invisible_ghost

Reason #2 Ghosts make horrible neighbours.

Imagine you lived next door to a haunted house…

haunted-house

What happens if your ball goes into their yard? You’re screwed!

Now, imagine you lived next door to a house full of zombies…

zombie-house

Considering the fact that zombies are mentally incapable of understanding the mechanics behind opening a door or window, living next door to them would be at best hilarious and at worst, a bit on the noisy side (and at least you can get your ball back).

Reason #3 Ghosts are malevolent and cruel.

Think about it…who would you rather have visit you in the dead of night, that ghost girl from The Ring…

Ringu

Or this guy? Sure, he’s not pretty, but he’s not there to haunt you until you go insane, he’s just a bit peckish is all.

zombie

Reason #4 Ghosts are very, very sneaky.

sneaky_ghost

Zombies are terrible hiders.

unsneaky_zombie

Reason #5 You don’t hear anyone telling zombie stories around the campfire.

They’re just not that scary.

ghost_story

Reason #6 Ghosts might actually exist.
It seems that almost everyone claims to have seen, or felt the presence of, a ghost at some point in their life.

ghost_tales

Nobody has ever claimed to have seen a zombie.

zombie_story

How to Watch a Horror Movie

Remember that scene in The Evil Dead where that regular, everyday douche-bag suddenly turns into a terrifying, supernatural douche-bag? You know, this guy…

holy-crapballs

Well, every time I watch that scene I do this:

aaaaargh

Every.single.time.

Over the years I have noticed a common trait in horror movie buffs – nothing really scares them. I know there must be others like me – horror movie buffs who crap themselves through each and every scary movie – but I think we are definitely the exception. In fact, most people I know who crap themselves watching horror movies tend to avoid watching them.

My husband, daughter and I are all horror movie buffs, but they belong to the former category and sit through every horror movie looking incredibly relaxed, if not slightly bored. I am the exact opposite to them and have developed a variety of ways to get through horror movies without too much trauma; some of these include:

Not actually watching.

eyes_shut

Using husband as protection.

hold_me

Making the most of visual impairment.

no_glasses

One night a few weeks ago we were all watching a particularly scary horror film. I was doing my usual thing, feeling unbearably anxious and trying to somehow watch without actually seeing anything.

 

pillows-will-save-me

 

fingers

Tired of my endless fidgeting and my constantly asking “What’s happening – is the scary bit over yet?” my daughter handed me one of my son’s toy guns.

gun

I know it was meant to be a joke, but I took the toy gun and aimed it at the television. Immediately something came over me – a feeling of calm, a sense of, dare I say it… power.

From that moment on every time some demoniacal monstrosity erupted on screen I would shoot at it like my life depended it. It became fun and after a short time I found myself looking forward to the scary parts just so I could shoot the television.

power

Naturally, as the movie got scarier, I had to get a bigger gun.

nerf

So, if you’re a major scaredy-cat like me, try arming yourself the next time you’re watching a horror movie…trust me, it works.

Oh, and as for my zombie apocalypse nightmares, I reckon I’ve got them beat.

come_get_me

The Sun

I have a morbid fear of something that has led many people to believe I am a crazy person – I am scared of the Sun. I’m not talking scared in a oooh, the Sun is mighty and powerful, I have great respect and awe for it kind of way, but more of a the Sun is a death-ball of horror that is hunting me down and trying to kill me kind of way. Now, before you start agreeing with the aforementioned assessment of my sanity, I put it to you that if you are not afraid of the Sun, then you, sir or madam, are the crazy person!

The Sun is approximately 150 million kilometres away from Earth. Yet, if I go outside at noon in my bathers and just stand there, minding my own business, it will burn me. Not only that, it can burn me so bad that my skin peels off. It can even cause cancer in my skin. Cancer!  The Sun can kill me from 150 million kilometres away! How is that not terrifying? I can’t even look up at the Sun and shake my fist at it in fury because it will burn the retinas right out of my eyeballs!

Aside from my zombie-apocalypse nightmares, I am also regularly treated to Sun-apocalypse nightmares. Sometimes I am hurtling towards the Sun, being slowly burned alive. Sometimes the Sun will either explode or die. Other times the Sun will simply consume everything, me, the Earth, the Universe. It becomes some insatiable monster, hell-bent on growing ever-larger. Because of this, I make it my business to avoid looking at pictures of (or learning anything about) the Sun. If a documentary on the Sun comes on television I cannot reach for the remote quickly enough. Unfortunately, my ignorance of the facts about the Sun means that situations like this often happen while watching regular TV.

sun3

For reasons that I am trying to forget, the Sun has been in the news a bit lately which has made it hard for me to avoid learning new things about it. A few nights ago I accidentally looked at the TV when it showed a close-up of the Sun. I shuddered in horror and turned away, but the image was already imprinted on my brain. This has brought on a series of nightmares of which I will share with you in pictorial form.

sun1

sun4

sun2

I have really tried to come to terms with my fear. I draw happy, harmless-looking suns in most of my pictures and I even got a tattoo of a smiling sun. I have tried to think of the Sun in positive ways…as a giver of life, a nurturer of the Earth and a warmer of reptiles. But you know what? That’s crap! We are utterly reliant on that gigantic, people-killing, planet-swallowing hell-ball and it knows it!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to look at pictures of the Moon.

sun5

Why I Love Zombies

I really love zombies. For some reason they make me ridiculously happy. Even the idea of a zombie apocalypse seems somehow comforting at times. Don’t ask me why…I can’t quite explain that one.

Here are some reasons why Zombies are great:

  1. Zombies don’t discriminate. One person’s entrails are just as good as the next person’s.
  2. They’re extremely focused. Once they get a whiff of human flesh they’ll stop at nothing to get to it. You have to admire that kind of determination.
  3. They don’t talk. There’s enough inane babbling going on in the world, I like that zombies don’t add to it.
  4. Zombies are clumsy, mindless and never think their actions through. This makes them ideal targets to be set up for hilarious practical jokes.
  5. Most of the time you can outrun them, dancing circles around them could be loads of fun…unless you trip and fall over.
  6. They’re not interested in money, which instantly makes them more ethical and trustworthy than most politicians.
  7. Some people just deserve to be eaten.
  8. They are really fun to draw.

zombiecouple

Well, I’m off to watch Braindead again.