The Sulphur-crested Cockatoo

We have a lot of birds where I live. Most of them make beautiful sounds…all except one. The Sulphur-crested Cockatoo.

This is what the Sulphur-crested Cockatoo looks like.

cocky

Beautiful, isn’t it? (Image source: Wikipedia)

This is what the Sulphur-crested Cockatoo sounds like it looks like.cockatoo2

How My Pets See Me When I Vacuum

I have a little Jack Russell and two adorable (but slightly annoying) cats. I have to vacuum the house a lot because of the animal hair (if I don’t, within a week it looks like we have shag carpet).

No matter how many times I vacuum, my animals react in the same exact way every single time. With total, unadulterated terror. So, I drew up a sketch based on how I think my pets see me when I vacuum.

Vacuum_lady

Why Ghosts are Scarier than Zombies

I have always thought that ghosts were way scarier than zombies, but never really bothered to put any thought into why I think that. I recently came to the realisation that this was just plain lazy, so last week I thought long and hard about the reasons…

…why ghosts are scarier than zombies

Reason #1 You can’t kill a ghost.

I know exactly how to kill a zombie…

beheading

…but how the hell do you kill a ghost?

Invisible_ghost

Reason #2 Ghosts make horrible neighbours.

Imagine you lived next door to a haunted house…

haunted-house

What happens if your ball goes into their yard? You’re screwed!

Now, imagine you lived next door to a house full of zombies…

zombie-house

Considering the fact that zombies are mentally incapable of understanding the mechanics behind opening a door or window, living next door to them would be at best hilarious and at worst, a bit on the noisy side (and at least you can get your ball back).

Reason #3 Ghosts are malevolent and cruel.

Think about it…who would you rather have visit you in the dead of night, that ghost girl from The Ring…

Ringu

Or this guy? Sure, he’s not pretty, but he’s not there to haunt you until you go insane, he’s just a bit peckish is all.

zombie

Reason #4 Ghosts are very, very sneaky.

sneaky_ghost

Zombies are terrible hiders.

unsneaky_zombie

Reason #5 You don’t hear anyone telling zombie stories around the campfire.

They’re just not that scary.

ghost_story

Reason #6 Ghosts might actually exist.
It seems that almost everyone claims to have seen, or felt the presence of, a ghost at some point in their life.

ghost_tales

Nobody has ever claimed to have seen a zombie.

zombie_story

Home Alone

I love my family, but when they all leave the house at once it is awesome! It also doesn’t happen very often, so when the opportunity arises, I jump at it.

bye

Then, when I find myself alone, it’s always a bit of a shock…

Home alone

…until reality sinks in.

Home alone2

Then it’s just a matter of deciding what to do…

Pull out my recipe books and cook some exotic, gourmet meal?

fancy-pants

Wade through the masses of paperwork that needs filing?

paperwork

Yoga?

Downward_Dog

That’s it! Yoga always makes me feel amazing afterward. I am totally going to do yoga!

Right after I finish this game.

wwf

Geriatric

The other night we were watching television when an aging female actor who looked somewhat familiar appeared on screen. My husband said…

getting_old

to which my daughter replied (with eyes rolled)…

getting_old2

Hilarity ensued.

getting_old3

We then explained (with perhaps a smidgen of condescension) that there was a TV series of the same name in the ’70s and that the original Charlie’s Angels were Kate Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Jaclyn Smith. We continued to snicker until…

getting_old4

getting_old5

getting_old6

I’m a Murderer

When I was little I loved all animals and insects. In fact I loved them so much that sometimes I accidentally loved them to death.

Like when I fed my fish – day…

fish

and night.

fish2

It was months before my parents realised what I was doing and we had gone through countless fish (and backyard funerals).

fish3

Then there were the skinks.

skink

I could never understand why they didn’t seem to live very long in their little skink houses. The homes I created for them had absolutely everything a skink could ever want! Grass…dirt…water…

skink2

skink3

skink4

When I was a little older I spent a whole day trying to help cicadas out of their shells – partly because I was impatient and partly because I knew they had such a short life span. I just tried to get them out into the big wide world as quickly as possible.

cicada

There were no survivors, but I learned my lesson and never tried to hurry them again.

cicada2

There was one particular incident, however, that haunts me to this day.

When I was about six I discovered a little nest in a small tree around the side of our house. I was absolutely beside myself as I had never seen a nest that close up before, let alone looked inside one. I was dying to take a peek at what I imagined would be a nest full of cute little baby birds.

The tree wasn’t much taller than me and I figured it wouldn’t be too hard to climb up and have a peek inside. The only problem was, the mother bird was always sitting in it and I didn’t want to scare her, so I left it alone.

birdsnest1

One day I came outside to find the mother bird gone.

birdsnest2

birdsnest3

I couldn’t quite see inside the nest, so I tilted it slightly towards me.

birdsnest4

I got to see the three most beautiful little eggs tucked cosily among the twigs and leaves…

birdsnest5

for about one whole second before they toppled from the nest and smashed upon the ground.

birdsnest6

I was a monster.

I felt so guilty that I didn’t go around that side of the house for many months – I couldn’t bear to return to the scene of my crime. I also had paranoid fears that the mother bird would know what I had done and peck out my eyes with her little beak.

But that was all a long time ago – I was just an innocent, curious child. I shouldn’t carry any guilt for those unfortunate accidents.

karma

But I do.