Why Ghosts are Scarier than Zombies

I have always thought that ghosts were way scarier than zombies, but never really bothered to put any thought into why I think that. I recently came to the realisation that this was just plain lazy, so last week I thought long and hard about the reasons…

…why ghosts are scarier than zombies

Reason #1 You can’t kill a ghost.

I know exactly how to kill a zombie…

beheading

…but how the hell do you kill a ghost?

Invisible_ghost

Reason #2 Ghosts make horrible neighbours.

Imagine you lived next door to a haunted house…

haunted-house

What happens if your ball goes into their yard? You’re screwed!

Now, imagine you lived next door to a house full of zombies…

zombie-house

Considering the fact that zombies are mentally incapable of understanding the mechanics behind opening a door or window, living next door to them would be at best hilarious and at worst, a bit on the noisy side (and at least you can get your ball back).

Reason #3 Ghosts are malevolent and cruel.

Think about it…who would you rather have visit you in the dead of night, that ghost girl from The Ring…

Ringu

Or this guy? Sure, he’s not pretty, but he’s not there to haunt you until you go insane, he’s just a bit peckish is all.

zombie

Reason #4 Ghosts are very, very sneaky.

sneaky_ghost

Zombies are terrible hiders.

unsneaky_zombie

Reason #5 You don’t hear anyone telling zombie stories around the campfire.

They’re just not that scary.

ghost_story

Reason #6 Ghosts might actually exist.
It seems that almost everyone claims to have seen, or felt the presence of, a ghost at some point in their life.

ghost_tales

Nobody has ever claimed to have seen a zombie.

zombie_story

How to Watch a Horror Movie

Remember that scene in The Evil Dead where that regular, everyday douche-bag suddenly turns into a terrifying, supernatural douche-bag? You know, this guy…

holy-crapballs

Well, every time I watch that scene I do this:

aaaaargh

Every.single.time.

Over the years I have noticed a common trait in horror movie buffs – nothing really scares them. I know there must be others like me – horror movie buffs who crap themselves through each and every scary movie – but I think we are definitely the exception. In fact, most people I know who crap themselves watching horror movies tend to avoid watching them.

My husband, daughter and I are all horror movie buffs, but they belong to the former category and sit through every horror movie looking incredibly relaxed, if not slightly bored. I am the exact opposite to them and have developed a variety of ways to get through horror movies without too much trauma; some of these include:

Not actually watching.

eyes_shut

Using husband as protection.

hold_me

Making the most of visual impairment.

no_glasses

One night a few weeks ago we were all watching a particularly scary horror film. I was doing my usual thing, feeling unbearably anxious and trying to somehow watch without actually seeing anything.

 

pillows-will-save-me

 

fingers

Tired of my endless fidgeting and my constantly asking “What’s happening – is the scary bit over yet?” my daughter handed me one of my son’s toy guns.

gun

I know it was meant to be a joke, but I took the toy gun and aimed it at the television. Immediately something came over me – a feeling of calm, a sense of, dare I say it… power.

From that moment on every time some demoniacal monstrosity erupted on screen I would shoot at it like my life depended it. It became fun and after a short time I found myself looking forward to the scary parts just so I could shoot the television.

power

Naturally, as the movie got scarier, I had to get a bigger gun.

nerf

So, if you’re a major scaredy-cat like me, try arming yourself the next time you’re watching a horror movie…trust me, it works.

Oh, and as for my zombie apocalypse nightmares, I reckon I’ve got them beat.

come_get_me