My Epic Pimple

I know that complaining about a pimple belongs in the first world problem category, but this was no ordinary pimple – as you will soon discover.

It all started one night when I was getting ready for bed; I noticed a small, hard, red lump forming on my chin. I get them every now and then – blind pimples – no biggie, right? Sure, they’re sore and, if you squeeze them, can get a bit unsightly, but if you leave them alone they generally disappear within a few days.

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It took every ounce of self-control that I had, but I resisted squeezing it – even though it got slightly bigger each day.

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After a few days I realised it had started to diminish in size. In another day or two it would be gone and, for the first time in a long time, I had resisted the temptation to squeeze!

I had won

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…or so I thought. When I woke up the next morning my pimple had redoubled its strength and come back to kick my arse.

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It was about mid-week when I decided I just couldn’t take anymore – my pimple was still growing and I was tired of the horrified gasps of co-workers and the constant mocking from my children. I drove home from work like a woman possessed; I had only one thing on my mind…it was time to squeeze.

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My family could sense the shift in my mood. They knew something was up as I walked through the house with purpose.

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My daughter followed me into the bathroom. She had been waiting for this moment for a long time.

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I will spare you the image of what happened next.

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As always my regret was immediate.

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My chin was so destroyed there was little I could do to hide it. I tried using makeup, but it never quite blended with my skin tone and only seemed to accentuate the pimple.

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With no way of hiding it, I tried different ways of distracting attention away from it.

I tried garish clothing…

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a push-up bra with generous padding…

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giant earrings…

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…but nothing could distract from the abomination that was my chin. I had to find a way to make this sucker disappear. Google led me to some kind of zit forum where people were writing about the wonders of tea tree oil. I figured I had nothing to lose at this point, so I begged my husband to pick some up on his way home from work. I waited impatiently for it to arrive and when it did I took it with grabby hands and slathered the oil all over my bleeding open wound – yes, I had squeezed it again. Then, I waited…

…and miracle of miracles – it dried up my pimple in less than an hour!

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I couldn’t believe it! It was some kind of magical cure! So I dabbed my giant ulcer all night long, bathing it generously in the tea tree oil. To say I went overboard would be a gross understatement.

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I awoke the next morning to discover that not only had my dried-out pimple turned into an ugly black scab, but I had also managed to burn the crap out of the skin surrounding it by using too much tea tree oil (which I have now learned was supposed to be diluted and applied sparingly with a cotton bud).

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But don’t worry, I knew exactly what to do.

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First world problems really are a luxury, click here to donate to the East African Appeal.

12 thoughts on “My Epic Pimple

  1. I’m so happy I just happen to find this blog post this morning. While reading it I couldn’t stop laughing. For the past week I’ve had the blind pimple from hell. Reading your blog felt like someone was telling my story. Going to work yesterday (I’m an RN), I tried my hardest to get a skin toned bandage, positive that no one would notice I had a bulging, tan cloth square covering my chin. When asked about it, I couldn’t bring myself to use the word “zit” or “pimple” I had to use “blemish”, as if that made it better.
    Thank you for sharing your hilarious story. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who’s had this problem. I look forward to reading your other posts!

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